This might just be a bitch-fest.
I am coming off of about a week and a half string of appointments and deadlines. My mind would really love to be in the studio (ten feet away). My body just needs a break. On any given day I have a small window of time where I can get a "task" done. A task for me is something outside of the normal activities of my daily life, things beyond showering, dressing, cooking, organizing, straightening, etc. the things that everyone else take for granted. For me, doctors appointments, errands, grocery shopping, and anything that involves me actually getting out of the house would fall under the "task" category. Unfortunately, painting has also been put in that category. I don't mean to put it there. But it ends up there. I have to take care of my well being first. So painting has been compartmentalized into a small space of time that, unfortunately, gets pushed to the side too often. This past week's full schedule was unavoidable and exhausting, so my painting, again, has been neglected.
As I sit here writing this, I have every intention of getting up and painting after I am finished. Painting is really one of my necessary functions for survival. Without it I get anxious and depressed. There are five works in various stages of development screaming for my attention. My body is screaming for some as well. It really just wants to rest right now. I am struggling to find the balance.
I don't mean for this post to ooze negativity. I am not writing this to complain, I am writing this to let other artists, who may also be struggling with Multiple Sclerosis, know that they are not alone. Society does not see our daily strife, and frankly, they don't want to. Too often our society tells us to just "suck it up and smile, we all have our crosses to bear." Some days it's just nice to know that there are others out there that, literally, feel your pain.
|(The painting above is in it's infant stages. It is part of my Experiments in Color series. This is under painting. By the end, you will only see fragments of this color showing through larger fields of color... I think, but we'll see how it goes.)|